Me and my friends have a group text thread. It’s six of us in it. The “group chat” as my wife calls it, is where we learn of the latest internet memes, Vines, new music and share stories about the impact gentrification is having on the Washington, DC metropolitan area. Yesterday, in the group chat, I learned that Aubrey Drake Graham had been caught by TMZ in a restaurant making out with tennis super star Serena Williams. I’ve thought many things to myself about Drizzy Drake. I’ve thought to myself that Drake’s music is generally, pretty awesome. I’ve thought to myself that his effort hosting the 2014 ESPY Awards was incredible and something to aspire to (I’m a host of my own show after all). I’ve thought to myself that his propensity to be caught playing fan of the "most likely to win athletic team in damn near every sport" is a little ridiculous and offensive to true fans of said team. But when I saw the news Drake was caught making out in a restaurant with Serena Williams, I had a singular thought I ‘d never thought before. I said to myself... in my head... and I quote, “Self… Drake is my role model.” Here are the top seven reasons why Drake is my role model, even though I (and probably you) can’t afford for him to be: 1) His Beard (See photo above) Drake arose earlier this year rocking a full beard that comes in second only to Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World’s beard. His barber must do an amazing job combing it and preventing ingrown hairs. I’m certain I cannot afford this barber's services. 2) Tequila Shots The original TMZ story reports that Drake and Serena bought a round of shots for their group of friends accompanying them at the restuarant they patronized. (I realize saying “TMZ reports” doesn’t feel the same as “the Associated Press reports", but let’s just leave that be for a moment). If I bought a round of shots for my friends it would send me into an immediate financial emergency. 3) Drake Is a Hypocrite and I Don’t Care
Drake recently admonished another young rapper for allowing a "boss woman" to “wife" him. Drake appears to be wifed (kissing in public among friends is clear "I've been wifed" territory) and yet, his apparent hypocrisy doesn’t bother me one bit… Like, not at all.
4) Drake has created an authentic brand.
Drake rose to fame after being signed by the face tattoo rocking crew, Young Money Records. Baby, Lil Wayne, etc. Yet he sings, croons over melodic tunes, has no face tattoos and has a public image that's closer to an R&B bad boy than a rough neck rapper. All this after being known as a Canadian actor who played Wheel Chair Jimmy on Degrassi. His brand makes sense even though it probably shouldn't.
5) “I will have a model wife.” I could never afford to have a model for a wife and probably would be hugely offended by her upscale taste in fashion. I would have to marry the only model who appeared in Victoria Secret ads but preferred the ease of purchasing Playtex bras at the Target down the street from her house. 6) Because Drake once said…
"I don’t waste time putting money down, I just go straight to who got it and buy it in cash. [Expleitive] so good that you gotta come see me on tour and you gotta fly in first class."
I’ve been flying since I was 9-years-old but have yet to fly first class. I certainly would never pay for another person to fly first class to come see me… They invented Skype for a reason.
Ben Carter is the Host of Manage Your Damn Money and author of Fictitious Financial Fairytale: A Completely Untrue Story About Money, Friends and Moscow Mules.